I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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