Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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