While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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