You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
