I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
