she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
