Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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