The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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