I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
