I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize