I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
