Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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