Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
