Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
