I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
