Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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