She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
