Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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