wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Welp...herpes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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