yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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