I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
