...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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