and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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