wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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