this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
