He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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