you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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