went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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