I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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