my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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