The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
