How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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