things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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