Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
