we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
