I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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