Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
