There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
