Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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