She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
