She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
