Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
