I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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