this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
