You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
