she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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