its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
