Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
