Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
