so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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