Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
