I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
