similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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