Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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