my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
worst night to have a conscience
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize