She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
