Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
