Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
