The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
