you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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