I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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