you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
