Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
