I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Two words: nipple clamps
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