Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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