I met the friendliest cop last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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