life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize