maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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