Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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