last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
