i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
