I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
