mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
