Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
