i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
