Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize