she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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