Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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