I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
