Someone shit on the floor
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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