How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it glows. i had to have it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
