The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
