The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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