I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
