Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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