My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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