ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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