I hate your face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
