why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
