I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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