Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
